Firstly, I apologize for my hit and run re-entry into the blogosphere. I really have to be in a particular frame of mind to write intelligently and articulately. If neither of those are representative of how you would describe my writing, go suck a lemon. haha I will try to get something up here once every week or two though, for writing's sake.

I was musing recently over a couple post ideas, but this one has been something that has tickled my fancy for some time. Without further ado, post two.

It struck me one day, while driving down 580E, watching out for cops, that our very small decisions and actions in life can have a dramatic impact on our fortunes. A simple choice to go out or stay in. That couldn't possibly change things that much... right?

Take my former roomies for example. I would consider it a relatively influential position to be living with someone, and how their needs and wants can in turn influence your decisions to go out and play basketball, go out for a night on the town, or just want to bang your head against the wall (a common roomie situation). Now let's follow this flow of seemingly innocuous choices which led to one the two roomies I formerly had.

Roomie #1
I met roomie #1
> by deciding to go play bball with some guys
>> through guys I knew at work
>>> work I decided to join after comparing 3 offers
>>>> offers I received as a result of interviewing at a UCI career fair
>>>>> UCI career fair I attended after an off the cuff remark from my former pastor about the OC career fair, yet finding out it had past, thought of another career fair in mind
>>>>>> UCI career fair I had known about, after passing it many times on the way to work at UCI admin
>>>>>>> A job at UCI admin, after looking for a part time job freshman year, wanting to support my expenses
>>>>>>>> Found a job posting through some UCI site, which happened to come after prayer/tithing
>>>>>>>>> Qualified for the job, from former tech experience
>>>>>>>>>> Former tech experience, from doing well in a SCROC computer repair class and the instructor hiring me at his small computer shop
>>>>>>>>>>> Signed up for computer repair class from mom's nagging to go learn something, and she suggested SCROC from something she had heard from a friend's mom
>>>>>>>>>>>> Had a free summer to take a class, because I did well in school
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Did well in school, because everyday, my dad woke me up on time, I paid attention in class, and worked on my hw and studied

I could go on and on, but honestly, to think that so many of those choices could have been derailed by a simple choice here or there. From "skipping school/not studying" to "not being around to hear an off the cuff remark", my life could have been substantially different. I could be in another field, in another country, never even meeting the people who I consider to be my friends, my confidants, or my coworkers. Can you imagine that parallel universe, of a million different ways life could have ended up?

Here's one that hits a little closer to home. I found out one of my friends recently started dating someone we met, as a result of a impromptu dinner night I had proposed. I mean, seriously? Two people got to know each other and could possibly find their soulmate just because I wanted to have dinner? It staggers my mind, that such fortune and unfortune could be decided on a whim. And also, why aren't my friends inviting me out to more dinners?? I kid.

I wonder then, in my constant quest to maintain a semblance of "control" over my life, how much control do I really have? I know I've given two positive examples of chance/fate as a result of small and large choices, but should we not take the negative with the positive? For one, is it really better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all? I digress, this de facto "highlander" experience culture is another topic for another time.

On one hand, it's so encouraging to know that life is so FULL of choices, of experiences, of places, of people. Don't lose hope in your circumstance, for who knows what tomorrow holds, in just getting up and facing life? That some small choice you make, whatever negligible impact you thought you made, could lead to happiness you could have never dreamed of. On the other hand, the same is true for the path to sorrow, but let's not be pessimists.

We can't control our future, our happiness, our sorrow, that is the lot given to us by God. But we can go out, do what is right, what is difficult, what takes guts, and hopefully someday we can look back and see it was all meant to be. Take the initiative, go the extra mile, offer an unnecessary smile, what do you have to lose?

Late nights tend to have some sort of magical effect of loosening up my mind towards writing and conjuring thoughts.

So... it has been awhile since I have written something other than posting youtube videos. The last few months have been quite the roller coaster in my life, so it's led to a lot of change of attitude and thinking in few areas. I'll try to write about a few of the things I've done recently to clear my thoughts, but tonight I'm a bit tired so I'll just offer a few morsels to chew on.

One area that I've been thinking about a lot is passion for life. I believe it was Warren Buffett who told a reporter than when he gets up in the morning, he can't wait to go to work. While that's not the case for me (more like dawn of the dead), I'd like it to be in at least some shape or form in my day to day life. I think as a kid I didn't think about this too much, and often daydreamed about playing the new video game or inventing adventure stories in my head with my childhood heroes like Link and uhh.. GI Joe I guess. (ok I also watched an insane amount of tv and played way too many video games too)

I suppose that the commonplace household entertainment activities have begun to lose a hold on me, as tv, internet, and video games become annoyingly redundant. Sure they find a way to twist and mold them to add some creative spark to hold my interest for the moment, but as soon as they end, so does my enjoyment of them. While there are many many hobbies and activities available to hold interest (and coincidentally more and more expensive), is passing the time for enjoyment seeking from activity to activity the way to spend it?

I know someone who's currently taking a fairly large leap of courage in their life. Moving to a new place, quitting their job, and taking on a very difficult path towards a tough profession. The whole shift seems so bold it seems made-for-an-inspirational-movie like to me. But at the same time it has me thinking about the own direction of my life and career and where it is headed.

Recently someone who I was talking to in my small group said that it was difficult during this college age to young professional transition to do things with intention. I thought that was a highly appropriate word to express what sort of attitude I was looking for in life. Not that I had to be doing everything and being perfect, but seizing control of time and energy by doing things with intention. If that meant work, studying, helping, exercising, playing, or resting, that was all fine, as long as life was seized and used as judged fit, rather than lackadaisically letting time pass by.

Even though many would say that 24 is still a young age, I'm beginning to feel the weight of the responsibility of the age. It's now a conscious daily choice to live selfishly or to live for others, to let time pass by or to seize it, to let your potential diminish or to use it to it's fullest. Do I have the courage to take action boldly, the wisdom to judge, and the discipline to do it? I would say the answer is "no", but at least I'm becoming more conscious and convicted of it. For now I'm slowly trying to learn what my passions are, what my abilities and gifts are, and how to train myself to move in those directions.

feels like summer is here, more to come, but just enjoying the weather for now :)